FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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