On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
