his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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