when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
