I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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