I love having hate sex.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
