I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
