In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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