Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my being single is dangerous.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
