11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is my gift to your gina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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