How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my sisters under your porch take her home
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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