I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
