Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
