I'm jealous of your bromance
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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