he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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