I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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