I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
