gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
