I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were trust falling into bushes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
