I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
