Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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