Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
