im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
