Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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