I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
did you just send me my own nude
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
