Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
