I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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