I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
