fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
