i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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