I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
