When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
