It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
