im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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