Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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