I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
