I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
