A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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