All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
