people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
