Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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