I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
