Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
