I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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