God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
