Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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