Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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