My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
