He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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