apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
